%EMPTY

e m P t Y

Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a peice of paper; But it's Empty

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Sunday, April 26, 2009 ( 3:42 AM )

“24/4/09 marks the last NPCC training for the Sec 4 NCOs. No more rushing from mosque to school for training on Friday. No more sweating in the toilet. No more rushing to the toilet to get change by 7 minutes. No more scoldings. No more punishments to serve. No more enduring under intense heat during training. No more carrying uniform bag to school on Friday.

Starting from now, Friday will be just a normal day. It will be just like Monday to Thursday. It will be completely different now. If last time we were punished, got scolding by the sirs & ma’am, now we will watch cadets got punished, scolding etc.

It’s unbelievable that I had serve NPCC for 4 years. It’s unbelievable that I had been going to trainings for 4 years. It’s just so unbelievable! Time passes fast & I mean really fast. One moment I knew I was just about to start my NPCC career. The next moment I knew it’s the Sec 4 NCOs last training. 4 years is equivalent to 1460 days. In numerical, it seems very long way to go. But in life, it’s short. Very short.

I will miss the moments whereby we cursed & swear the sirs, ma’am etc. I will miss the moments whereby I & my squad mates suffer together under the intense heat of the sun just to get the perfection of our drills & movements. I will miss the moments whereby I & my squad mates had fun together, laugh together, joke around together just like family. I will miss the moments whereby we comfort our depressed/frustrated/sad squad mates. I will miss the moments whereby we waited nervously behind the scene of everyone for the drum beats to be hit & off we go marching proudly in front of thousands. I will miss every moment I spend in NPCC nor matter good or bad moments. Those moments were just memories that can’t be forgotten.

Above all, I truly miss the Sec 1. I have been taking the Sec 1 squad since January 2009. I scold them. I nag at them. I criticize them in many ways. I made them hate me. They label me “NCO fierce” & “NCO strict” in the period of the 4 months. But I still truly miss them. I scold them is for the benefit of them. I nag at them because I want a change in them. I criticize them because I want them to realize their mistakes. I really care for them. I train them in different area such as teamwork during RT. Communication, perseverance, encourage one another during trainings. “Awwww!! NCO Arif don’t leave us! We still want you to teach us! We don’t want the Sec 3 to replace you!” replied the Sec 1 when I told them I am leaving & it’s the NCOs last training. I was truly deeply touched by their response. Even though they hate me from their outer self, they still love me deep inside their heart. If possible, I want to lead the Sec 1 all the way till they POP. Unfortunately, it’s just so impossible. I miss & truly love the Sec 1.

To the Sec 3 whom is taking over us, I wish all of you good luck as an NCO. Have fun with them but yet discipline them too. To those whom taking the Sec 1 squad, try be better than me so you will be love cum hate too!”

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Saturday, April 25, 2009 ( 2:41 PM )

"It seems that your decision had been made already & you won't reveal it. I will respect the decision you made. Its the a hard decision to decide but you manage to get the answer in the end. Yes, i can't deny that i am truly dissapointed & sad when your decision is that you won't reveal it. You must be wondering on why i want to know that "someone" badly right? Its simpily because i want to explain to that "someone" everything.

Let me tell you one thing. From my point of view, its just useless of you telling me that matter. Yes, you have a good intention of trying to change me soo that "someone" will be happy. I appreciate it alot. You have done a job as a friend but not fully yet. The decision you choose to not reveal really stop my next task/plan. Now i am like as if a car that is stuck in a massive traffic jam. I can't move to my another task/plan. I can't change myself because i need to know from that "someone's" mouth about his/her unhappiness towards me. Once i know everything in a more specific way, then i can start on balancing on wheather he/she is right or not. But now the massive problem is that the "someone" is not reveal. I'am stuck. I have to use all my skills to know who is the "someone". To cut short everything, you're not helping me in any way. I am soo sorry to say all this sakinah."

Your sincerely,

Arif

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Thursday, April 23, 2009 ( 11:57 PM )

“Thank you Sakinah for the encouraging speech at your blog. Appreciate it a lot.

Yes, I wonder a lot in class just now on what you said on Wednesday (22/4/09). It really distracts my studies & for sure my normal self. On Wednesday (22/4/09), I was just about to somehow enjoy the following day since I just solved a problem out of my many problems but everything just ruined when the moment you told me the matter. You may feel guilty that you pull me deeper in problem times & also adding more problems to me. Even thought you may feel guilty, you still made me happy due to you tell me the matter that you have kept for quite sometime.

There’s one question that I want you to answer me. “Who is the “someone”?” Unfortunately, you’re unable too. It disappoints me as well as made me frustrated too. Disappoints me due to you’re unable to tell the “someone” when I really want to know & frustrated due to I am unable to carry on my next task. I know you made a promise to that “someone” that you won’t & never reveal the person. You have to think. There’s consequence behind every decision you made. If you choose not to tell me, you will leave me wondering for the rest of my life. But if you choose to tell me, I can carry on my next task & also perhaps that “someone” may lose trust in you too. Yes, it’s a very big decision to make. It’s either you make me stop wondering & perhaps I can be back to my old Arif OR you keep the person secret & make me suffer & wonder everyday. Nor matter what, I will still accept & respect the decision you will make in the next few days time.”

Your sincerely,

Arif.

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Saturday, April 18, 2009 ( 5:02 PM )

OK I KNOW ITS NOT HARI RAYA YET! ITS JUST A PICTURE! hahahaha! I don't tomorrow at the headlines of the newspaper saying " Arif just put up his Hari Raya picture at his blog when its not even Ramadhan yet". Hahahaha! Ok crap. If you didn't laugh, that's your problem. Because those stuffs are sentences that can make a different in my post length! Hahaha! Today's post will be basically consist about the Secret Barnabas, My life & Iszuwan's birthday. Alright GO! ** Please ask your parents & grandparents for permission before you can read my post!**

Secret Barnabas

I am proud to announce to the whole universe that i got 10 barnabas letter in the three days of Secret Barnabas period. Only 10 barnabas letter? Sounds pathetic & little right? But i don't mind. Because that 10 letter can either inspire me or make me laugh my ass out. See how powerful can my friends be! Hahaha!

1st letter:

Dear friend,

"Saying that you are kind is not true, showing your kind is true". You have been a kind friend & i will always be there beside you. Good luck for your exam & all the best for your N levels.

*How sweet is that mann? I am touched you know!!*

From: Yoghini

2nd letter:

Hey! Thanks for giving me advise. Study hard yaw!

From: Iszuwan

3rd letter:

Arif,

Baby I love you! Good luck for your N levels! I still want my Italian Wedding Gown!

*Ok this letter made me laugh my ass out in the morning. Haha!*

From: Farhanah

4th letter:

HEY ARIF!

HAHA. Thank you for being my close friend! You're quite nice most of the time. Well, that's all i got to say.

Yours sincerely,

joko

*I am touched again! HAHA!*

From: Mashairi

5th letter:

God! You must be crazy! hahas.

From: Nizam

6th letter:

Arif Agus,

You are my one & only love. With your hair that attracts me, i seriously want you.

*God! This letter makes me laugh my ass out too but also wonder who give it.*

From: Unknown

7th letter:

How are you awep?! Stay curly as always!

*This made me laugh too!*

From: Ibrahim

8th letter:

Hey Agus!

Study well & work hard for the N levels. You can do it. Good luck on your exams. "Fuyoo english macam bapaknye. Mengalahkan obama." HAHAHA!

*Touched & also laugh my ass out*

From: Syafiq

9th letter:

*Filled with drawing that made me laugh till the extend of nearly falling off my chair!! Too bad the drawing are too "bad" that i can't post it here*

From: Sufie

10th letter(It's wrote on a drawing block paper):

You must be a good person to me. Thanks for being my friend for 4 years. :)

*Biggest letter among all!*

From: Nizam

That's all! Thank you to all whom care to write for me. Really realy touched you know! hahaha! To amy & afida whom did wrote to me but i didn't receive it, sorry MTPs! Hope Mr lim take it & on monday he will give it to me.

My life

Let me do a fast & furious report about my life soo far. Life have been super terrible for me. Every single day i will have problem since the last 3 weeks. Problem as in big ones. If you wanna know, i have been getting problems since January 2009. One problem solved, another comes & the cycle continue till this very moment. Of course it hurts very much but i just have to continue my life. I take all this as obstacles in life.Thank god there's friends like Iszuwan, Mashairi that help through this hard moments of my life! Thank to amy & afida also for entertaining me & making me laugh too! Thank to my girl friends for their opinions! Thank to SUFIE BIN SELAMAT also for making me laugh whenever i see your J face!

*For those whom i didn't thank you & you think you should be thank, tell me yaw! I will thank you at Straits Times!*

Iszuwan's Birthday Party

Turns out to be great! Alot of plans are spoiled due to the stubborn-ness of iszuwan. I have a hard hard time to ask iszuwan to get his ass to BPP garden plaza. Thank to my quick thinking mind because i will have to keep changing sayings till he is convince. Finally he is convince with this sentence "Wan, ikut aku gi bpp ahh. Mak aku suruh belikan roti ahh." HAHA! Stupid one but it works! Hahahaha! Of course its a lie ahh! & He seems surprise to see the celebration when i drag him to the garden plaza before going to NTUC. Btw, i gave him a present! Bangga or wat sehh arif! hahaha! I bought for him a custom made Nike shirt. I think he deserve that present that cost me quite alot. But i am not concern about the price. Its somehow to repay the good deeds he gave me soo far. I gave him a note which says the truth about him:

You magnify my happiness

when I am feeling glad;

You help to heal my injured heart

whenever I am sad.

You’re such a pleasure in my life;

I hope that you can see

how meaningful our friendship is;

You’re a total joy to me.

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Tuesday, April 7, 2009 ( 11:07 PM )

Ohhhhh Arif is back! Back to his crappy ass to the core post! Wait humans! Don't start jumping around & shouting "YES YES YES! ARIF POST SOMETHING!". I don't want you to get bitten by your mum. HAHA! & also i don't want to see any of you in the obituaries section in the next few days time ya! Let me start my interesting fact of my life ya. Let gooo humans! (Klau tk nk bace, jgn sekali sekali dlm hidup ko scroll bawa tau! HAHA)

Annual Camp 2009 Proposal

Fuhhhhhh finally done with it. It can turn me into some crazy ass you know? HAHA! It all started right before the common test, CA1, when i was sabo to be the Camp Coordinator & syafiq the Assitance. I was like "Ok WHATTHEFISHES!". We all started to imagine all sorts of nonsense & laugh at our own stupid,crappy ideas. But on the 14/2/09, Sir Nasrul send me the "wants" in the Annual Camp 2009 Proposal. It shock me to the very earth core. Soo did syafiq. The "wants" is beyond what we believe & imagine. Imagine 24 "wants" in a proposal. How many tons litre of brain juices should my squad squeeze??

Done with all the stupid nonsense complains. Its the planning time. The meeting time. The fighting time. Planning is never easy. There will surely & confirm some black sheepish will not agree with the idea given out. Why? I don't know. Part & parcel of planning i guess. & its irritating to the core! To be fair, i listen to the black sheepish debate & from there i analyze the whole thing & decide it. Normally i will go for the majority wins.

Done scribbling everything said during the planning session on a piece of paper. Back home, sit in front of the computer & i will start turning it to proper english etc etc. I will take me up to 3 hours or even worse some takes me up to few days to complete everything in order & proper english.

Bla bla bla bla! All the 18 "wants" done in a single file each. Time for me to combine all into one. HELL is the best word to describe the process of combining it together. I took 2 days & 4 hours each day to combine the whole proposal together. The above picture is to show the busy-ness of me refering to the past proposals etc etc. Just see the right hand side! All are the camp parts! Greatness!

In the end, the proposal was send to Sir Nasrul on 29/3/09. Phew! Time to relax. Waiting for the rejection of any parts.

SGT result

I PASS! I PASS! I PASS! I PASS! Ok, you may say its only a sergeant rank. What's the big deal? Yeahh from a Uniform Group CCA, a sergeant rank is important. Without sergeant rank, it also means the four years you serve the CCA just a waste of energy & time. Because you won't even get a single ass CCA point. CCA points can help in the O lvls you know dummy!

If you were to pass out in a rank lower than sergeant, its a big shame. Seriously, a big shame! Only those in Uniform Group can understand why is it a big shame.

The picture above is about a convo with afida. She pay very close attention to my result when Sir Suhaili was reading it out. Like WHATTHEHELL afida! & she's freaking happy to get 61 marks when i only got 50 marks! Ok, afida going to kick my ass if she read this i guess! HAHA! Congrats to all whom pass the SGT! To those whom fail, try again harder ya!

Npcc

Happiness shown! Behind every happiness lies sorrows!

"Inilah saat saat apabila kita ketawa, bersuka ria dan bersenyum lebar. Di belakang takbir ini semua, terdapat saat saat yang amat amat menderitakan juga."

Fuhhh bebual mcm bapaknye! Mengalahkan Obama bebual! HAHAHA!