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e m P t Y

Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a peice of paper; But it's Empty

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Friday, June 1, 2007 ( 10:35 PM )

helo2...today was simpily a today of tiredness,fed upness n PISSED OFF....today CPL(Colporal) test....the theory was simpily difficult...just feeling like crumped up the paper n throw straight into the dust bin in front of me.....i even cry during the paper...i mean a little cry only....i just write wat i know.....a 1 hrs 15 mins paper...just write wat i know...every qns making me PISSED OFF more n more...1 hrs 15 mins ends!!!!but not fully end the Colporal test...its practical up nxt....i'am simpily not happy with the way they count the marks....its like there will be 3 person....every mistake a person make,the whole group will get cut off marks...if only one person wrong,then others correct,we will be still get cut off marks....is tad fair?!its simpily unfair....me,fir n zen was the first 3 person to take the test....n its was not even ok...all bad2 comment got straight shoot to our face....i can say not even a single gd comment was shoot to our face...after us done,we called out nxt three people...then continue with normal training....train with no fucking mood...all cos with the bad2 comment i receive.....completely PISSED OFF...but i keep telling myself to cool down,relax.....slowly the percent of my pissed off falls....train n train....soo tiring....i think they don't know wats the meaning of tired.....then when everyone was done....we gather at the concourse...get some lecture from both sir....they say our performance was below poor....hmm...wat can it be then??then sir suhaili say the one can pass is less than 5 fingers......in other meaning less than 5 people can pass.....in my mind,i was saying"god!!!less than 5 pass!!!can be 4?3?2?1?or even 0..."thinking n suddenly sir rahman ask us to sing song to get bonus marks....2 campfire songs....then sir rahman call the IC out...n tads me...my mind was saying"god!!i don't even know a song!!"then no choice but to tell sir tad i don't even know a song...sir still ask to lead....i tell him again i don't know even a song....then he still ask to lead!!!this time i'am really2 PISSED OFF n say "how am i going to lead if i don't even know a song??!!"then he say plz use ur logic n call out the people who know campfire songs....pissed off even more...i say "u told me to lead not to call people out!!if i call people out before u say,u will ask me when on earth i give u permission to call people out"then i shout to the squad,"3 people who know campfire songs plz go out!!!"then sufie n umairah go out n lead....not even in a mood of making the moves...after 2 songs,we r dismiss...then after changing n want to take our belongings,jaga told me abt talking back to the sirs.....i ans back to jaga"i'am not a stone...i'am human.....god give me mouth to talk" then just walk away....rush to mosque to have friday prayers....all the way from sch to mosque i talk to fiq abt the moment me talking back to the sirs....many people say my hand movement like gangster....i'am a gangster...the hand movement its my habit...everytime i talk,my hand will move...its a HABIT....many things i just don't understand....y they keep calling IC??!!y don't they give a chance to the WIC to take some jobs??!!in my squad,everything IC....tad IC,this IC.....WIC was like not exist in my squad...ever do tad,ever do this,ever do everything,who get it,IC!!!!they told us to respect sirs....yes we can.....but r they giving us any respect???its not even fair if we give them respect,they don't give us back the respect...n i have been wondering y can't we talk back to sirs or ma'ams???n right still wondering...we r not stones...we have mouth...we can talk back....hmmm...haiz...i have in mind of QUITTING NPCC....last year i did also had QUITTING NPCC in mind....but strong support make me stay at NPCC....i hope to get even more strong support to make me stay at NPCC.....

stress...thinking y everything always the IC?!

to get energy back after 3 days on n on with activitys!!!

"Success often comes to those who dares to dream and who work their heart out to achieve it"

signing out,

arif